"Pray for Sandrine"

After 5 invitations, she finally showed up to a lunch with the students. "Sandrine", which is not her real name, is a professor at the public French university where some of the students here at the Institut Jacques Lefevre attend classes most days. She was invited twice before to join the students for a meal here, but she backed out last-minute both times. Around the same time, she was asking the students about the local church they attend on Sundays in Caen, to which she was then invited to join them. She backed out of that invitation twice as well.

This time, we thought she wasn't coming to lunch at all, especially since she was over 40 minutes late, hadn't called, and had already backed out of invitations 4 times. However, during the second course, just before we cleared her place setting, she appeared with a smile and a bonjour for everyone, accompanied with apologies for her tardiness. She joined the students and a professor from a Canadian Christian school for the rest of the meal.

There is a sense that there is currently a battle for Sandrine in the spiritual realm. It was as I was clearing the table after dessert that I overheard the conversation happening among Sandrine, the Canadian prof, and a local French follower of Christ. The conversation was simple and low-key, but it carried overtones of Sandrine's curiosity and desire to know more about the God we serve.

Perhaps this is it for a while, or perhaps it is the beginning of a very interesting story for her life. Either way, pray with me that the relationship between Sandrine and the Institute would be strengthened and deepened, and pray that God would deepen her thirst and open her heart for him as we continue to show her his great love for her.

Bonjourisme

"The French culture is a relational one." At first, I found this statement to be a little provocative, but since returning to the Domaine l'Estuaire, I am reminded about the most basic aspect of French culture upon which the whole society rests, something I call "le bonjourisme". (the French like to use lots of -ismes).

In almost every situation where it is appropriate to speak to someone else in France, the interaction will begin with a friendly "Bonjour!" or some variation. This is the first thing you say to your coworkers upon seeing them each and every day. The first thing you say to the cashier before paying for groceries, buying a ticket, purchasing a crêpe on the street, etc. This one word embodies the relational aspect of French culture, and it conveys to others that you are acknowledging them in your shared situation.

The words "shared situation" are important ones. While it's pretty out of the ordinary to randomly speak to strangers in France, say on a train or at a bus stop, it is expected that you say "Bonjour" when you walk into a small shop, café or other business, like the local laundromat. You probably wouldn't speak to someone standing at a bus stop, but if it happened to be raining or cold and you had to enter the little shelter where others were already standing, then it would be expected to say "bonjour", even if only under your breath, because the rain or cold has brought you together.

Some might think that this is not very different from American culture, but I would disagree. In the US, it's common for the cashier to say hello and maybe even carry on a small conversation. But, you may also say hi to a stranger you pass on the way to work or strike up a conversation with someone sitting next to you on the bus. Without saying this never happens in France, it is very uncommon and outside of social norms. At the same time, in France it is likely you will spend hours at a friend's house if you are invited over for dinner. What does this say about the French? I think it says that they are more relational than we are. Americans, outside of maybe New York or Chicago, are generally friendly people, but I think there is a difference between being friendly and being relational.

The French have fewer relationships than we do, but the ones they have go much deeper and are more longterm than many of our own. They are a people who appreciate spontaneity, but avoid superficiality. If a French person has reason to believe your friendship was disingenuous or was extended for motives other than the relationship itself, they are likely going to feel betrayed. As a relational person myself, I appreciate this. I love that they avoid saying hello when it is superficial but intentionally and consistently say hello when the circumstances warrant it. It also makes me wonder if the Americans who come back with stories about the "rude French" ever tried just saying "Bonjour!"